NUMBERS

I'm realizing that the number on my scale will never be what I want it to be.

I constantly point out things I don’t like about my physical appearance; I let these arbitrary, imaginary numbers and standards dictate how I feel about myself and it’s bullshit. But it’s so engrained into our minds that we have to look a certain way, and if we don’t look that certain way, we are worth less. I’ve dealt with low self-esteem for as long as I can remember. I have never been the “pretty” girl in my mind; I constantly compare myself to other people, and in my head I always end up falling short (which is a horrible mentality, it’s not a competition!!!) but you feel me???

I am too skinny

my hair is too frizzy

my nose is too big

These are thoughts that are second nature to me now; my brain accepts them as truths. I see myself in the mirror and they’re the first things I think, before anything else.

Rewiring your brain takes so much practice and patience. Reminding yourself daily that you are so much more than your appearance, that you are beautiful with your frizzy hair and knobby knees, is so important and vital to your self-love journey.

I'm realizing that the number on my scale will never be what I want it to be. But if I eat really well and go to the gym and make time to practice yoga and listen to what my body is telling me throughout the day, I feel good. And I would rather feel good about how I’m treating myself than allowing myself to feel like shit based on a number that doesn’t really reflect how I’m loving myself.

lifeasha bailey